


Ajisai: Acceptance and Instinct

by superpixie42



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Acceptance, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breastfeeding, Childbirth, Complicated Relationships, Content Warning: discussions of abortion and mob violence, F/M, Fan Art, Inukag Week 2020, Maternal Instinct, Post-Canon, Postpartum Depression, Tumblr Prompt, Unplanned Pregnancy, it has a happy ending but you gotta get there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:42:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24598465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superpixie42/pseuds/superpixie42
Summary: Kagome and Inuyasha's first pregnancy goes anything but smoothly. Between fighting for acceptance from the village to struggling with their own fears about being inadequate parents, it's a rough forty weeks. Once the baby is born, will things be easier or only get worse? Based on the InuKag Week 2020 prompts Acceptance and Instinct.*WINNER FEUDAL CONNECTIONS AWARD BEST CHARACTER PORTRAYAL: INUYASHA.*Now includes original art from Kirrtash *
Relationships: Higurashi Kagome/InuYasha
Comments: 12
Kudos: 63
Collections: Quarter 3 2020 Inuyasha Fandom Award Winners





	Ajisai: Acceptance and Instinct

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I just wanted to give a quick content warning before we dive into this story since everything else I write has been on the fluffier end. In this story there will be a conversation about abortion, descriptions of mob violence (chapter 1), and a very frank conversation regarding postpartum depression and struggles with breastfeeding (chapter 2). If you have any questions before reading feel free to hit my inbox here or on Tumblr.

The minute Kagome realized she was pregnant she’d wanted to run screaming into the village, making sure every man, woman, child, farm animal, and even the passing birds knew she was going to have Inuyasha’s baby. When she told Inuyasha over dinner that night that she’d skipped her second period he’d dropped and shattered the bowl he’d been holding in his haste to grab her and hold her close. She thought that meant he was excited, overjoyed - and he was - but in that moment he was mostly terrified.

“You can’t tell anybody” he begged her, his voice barely a whisper and he continued to hold her in a crushing embrace. “Not the hag, not the slayer, and especially not the monk. We’ll worry about Shippo the next time he comes home, but please, please don’t tell anyone.”

She promised, how could she not when he was literally on his knees begging her? She was going to ask why, but his hand moved down to gently press against her belly and she decided the question could wait, after all they had 30 weeks, she could be patient.

\------------------------------------------------

It only took Sango two weeks to become suspicious. Half way through her own third pregnancy Sango was very familiar with the various ways the early days took their toll: Kagome was tired all the time, eating the saltiest things she could get her hands on, and more than once got dizzy when standing too long. She chose not to pry- early pregnancies were fragile. She would respect Kagome’s apparent wish to keep the news to herself until she was more confident it would be successful. Kagome was lucky in that arena since her husband would be able to hear the heartbeat and set her mind at ease. Inuyasha was a good man and despite his obvious discomfort had pressed his ear to Sango’s belly from time to time to settle her nerves. It was unfortunate he was so uncomfortable with touch or he might have listened long enough to realize he wasn’t just hearing one heartbeat and given Sango some warning before the twins came.

However, once Kagome’s morning (and afternoon, and night) sickness started, Sango couldn’t keep it to herself anymore. Finally, she ambushed Kagome with questions while they were having a bath in the river.

“Kagome, congratulations! How long has it been since you stopped bleeding? Have you told Inuyasha yet? I’m so excited for you, the twins are going to lose their minds when they find out-”

“No!” Kagome didn’t mean to shout, she knew Sango meant well, but she needed her to understand.

“Inuyasha knows Sango, of course I told him. But,” she took a deep breath, trying to ignore the stinging behind her eyes. She understood her husband’s reasoning, but it didn’t make it less upsetting. “He doesn’t want anyone to know yet. He’s worried once word gets out he’ll be forced from the village. That letting a hanyou live here is one thing but letting him breed is quite another. I told him that this village is different but…”

She looked over at Sango, hoping to see her laughing at their paranoia. Instead she just looked sad, slowly stroking her swollen belly.

“I’m so sorry Kagome,” she said, “I can’t imagine how hard it is for you to have to keep this a secret.” She looked over her shoulder, back towards the village, with a pensive expression. “I do think this village is different. Not many places would accept a mother who is also a slayer. Or a married monk. But, this place is special.”

They finished their bath in silence, Kagome’s mind swirling with the same list of possible outcomes she’d been worrying over for weeks. Would they accept the child of the Village Protector, regardless of blood? Would they accept the demonic child of a priestess? Would they be shunned, or worse run out of town?

After that first night she and Inuyasha didn’t talk about the pregnancy. They acted as if it wasn’t even real. Anytime Kagome brought it up, Inuyasha would either change the subject or outright ignore her; going and sitting on the roof until she gave up and went to bed. Once he thought she was asleep he would slide into their futon and place his hand against her belly. He never said a word.

After weeks of silence she’d decided to talk to him about ending the pregnancy. If they were going to pretend it hadn't happened maybe it was best to stop it from happening at all.

"I need you to be honest with me," she finally said at dinner the night after her third missed period. "I'm already three months along so if this isn't…"

She just couldn’t force herself to say the words. She knew in her heart she wouldn’t do it. She already loved this baby. She loved this baby more than she’d ever loved anything else in her life... but she needed to know where he stood. She tried again.

"There are ways to… if you really think it's best…"

Inuyasha had understood what she couldn’t say. He’d taken her into his arms, his breaths ragged as he tried to hold himself together. They stared silently into the fire and Kagome actively chose not to mention when she felt his tears soak into her robes. The fire had burnt down to just embers when Inuyasha finally spoke.

“Please don’t do that. I know I’m a selfish bastard but I want this baby. I want our baby, Kagome.”

He’d asked her again not to tell anyone, to give him time to figure out how to manage the village. Then the vomiting had started and Kagome could see Inuyasha’s panic grow. She would start showing soon and then there would be no more hiding it. And now Sango knew. Kagome swore under her breath- tonight was not going to be fun.

\--------------------------------------------------

Inuyasha walked from the village to the edge of the forest that bore his name. He was always so happy he built the hut so far from the main road. The closer to home he got, the better everything smelled. No more farm animals, no more rotting vegetables, just the trees, and eventually the sweet wildflower scent of his wife. Walking through the front door he wasn’t shocked to see Kagome wasn’t home yet. She was always out late when she spent the day with Sango. Between the twins, the boy, and now her forth weighing her down that woman was going nowhere fast.

He took a seat and started rebuilding the fire for dinner. While trying to decide if he should hunt tonight or not he found his vision wandering, settling in the far corner of the room. There next to their bed was Tessaiga, propped against the wall, and his Robe of the Fire Rat hanging from a hook. For a long time, those had been the only two things he had on the entire world. Before Kagome he hadn't even had the sword- just the robe and his word. And yet, it had been enough for her. He had been enough. She could have stayed in her world filled with the most incredible things, things he would never be able to give her. Things she deserved. And yet here she was, living in their house, and carrying his child in her belly.

He was happy, happier than he'd ever been in his life, but he couldn't stop himself from panicking. Having so much in his life meant there was suddenly so much more to lose. So much more at stake. Before, if he had died it wouldn't have mattered to anyone. Sure Kagome would be sad but she'd get over it. Now? Now she'd be a widow. His child without a father, without defense, without a guide through their demon heritage. He'd had Myoga to help him through the growing pains and his first moonless night without his mother - but he wanted better for his child. He wanted his child to know they weren't alone, that they weren't the only one in the world going through this. He wanted his child to know he'd survived thirteen transformations a year and that they didn't need to be afraid.

But fuck, he was afraid now. Kagome didn't get it, not really. Jinenji, Shiori… they were best case scenarios. His place as village protector was unheard of. People didn't accept hanyou into their towns. If they did they accepted it the same way they accepted the fact that some percentage of crops would always fail: begrudgingly. It was foolhardy to expect any village to keep one hanyou; it was suicide to expect them to accept two. At best their hut would be burned down while they were out working for the day. At worst...

His fear only grew when Kagome came through the door reeking of anxiety. He didn't have to wait long to find out why.

"Sango knows."

Two words had never come so close to stopping his heart before. He grabbed the water bucket and doused the fire he'd built. He took two quick steps towards the bed, Kagome at his heels. He pulled his robe off the hook and wrapped it roughly around Kagome's shoulders with one hand and secured Tessaiga to his obi with the other.

"We're leaving -now."

"What?"

"Fold up the futon to take with, but leave the blankets. I'm going to grab a box of food then we're going. DON'T FIGHT ME ON THIS KAGOME."

Her mouth snapped shut with an audible click. He hadn't raised his voice like that to her since she'd come back. Actually, she didn't think he'd ever raised his voice like that to her the entire time she'd known him. In all their traveling Inuyasha always chose fight over flight - but in this moment he was prepared to run as fast as his legs could carry them.

His legs didn’t have to carry them as far as it seemed, but the journey was constantly stopped so Kagome could empty her stomach in a bush. Her flat stomach meant she was able to keep her usual perch on Inuyasha’s back while he carried a small box and the futon, but without his hands helping to hold her in place it didn’t matter how smoothly he tried to keep his form. Finally, after five stops and ten times that many apologies from a completely panicked hanyou they arrived at a small cave several miles upriver from the village. They were just at the end of Inuyasha’s forest, where the treeline ran straight into a rockface. They broke into a small clearing, the entrance to a cave just visible in the fading sunlight.

Kagome slid off of Inuyasha’s back and was barely back on her feet before he grabbed her hand and pulled her into the cave. He layed out the futon just inside the entrance and pushed her to sit down on the bedding.

“Don’t move.”

He set the box next to her and brushed passed deeper into the cave. He emerged a moment later holding a bundle of sticks and a few logs. He stacked them a few feet in front of her in what she now realized was a stone-ringed fire pit. Logs, a fire pit. How long had he been planning this?

“What is all this?” she finally asked.

“It’s our new home. For now anyway. Once the baby is born we can look somewhere else if you want but for now you’re too vulnerable to be out on the road.” He said it with a completely blank expression, no room for argument in his voice. This was the only way he could keep her and their baby safe. It was far enough away from the river to avoid animals and travelers. The cave opening was big enough for air and light but small enough that Kagome could hold a barrier across the whole thing if she needed to. The trees provided decent camouflage as well as a quick getaway route that would make them harder to shoot at and track if it came down to it. It had taken him weeks of scouting to find it.

He could hear how hard Kagome was working to keep her breathing even as she looked around the cave, the fire light now bright enough for her human eyes to be able to see at least some detail. It wasn’t much but there was a large fur layed out to keep the futon from getting too cold against the stone floor. He’d taken her yellow backpack from their hut and moved it to the cave, unpacking her sleeping bag so it lay unzipped and open like a blanket, the small water pot and first aid kit sitting against the deepest wall. There was a sizable pile of kindling and fuel logs, plus now their small box from the pantry. He heard Kagome took a deep breath and he wasn’t sure if she was going to yell or throw-up again.

“Go ahead and yell already, woman.”

“When were you going to tell me about this?” her voice was calm, but the shrill edge to it made it clear she wanted to yell.

“I don’t know. I wanted to let you stay in the village as long as you could. But if the slayer knows then the monk knows and that gossip couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. I certainly don’t trust him to keep one to save yours.”

“You don’t know that-” she didn’t finish that sentence, his growl effectively ending her train of thought.

“I’m not risking it. I’m not risking you and I’m not risking the baby.” He took a deep breath to try and control his temper. If she wasn’t going to yell then neither would he. He sat on the opposite side of the fire from her, holding his usual closed off pose, Tessaiga resting against his shoulder.

“You don’t get it, Kagome. Villages will turn in a single night. You don’t think that Jinenji’s mother or Shiori’s lived in those villages for years before they got pregnant? Have family there? And what good did that do them? You’re an outsider.”

When Kagome opened her mouth to argue he raised his voice again, making it clear he wasn’t finished.

“They were allowed to live because they were useful - Jinenji’s medicinal garden and Shiori’s connection to the bat tribe. Rin training with Kaede while you were gone means your usefulness isn’t guaranteed. You can’t be a priestess married and Rin can take your place as healer and midwife. And neither is mine. I’m protector now but there are still a lot of folks in that village who remember when I nearly burned it to the ground.”

Kagome sat in silence for a long time, digesting what he’d told her. It wasn’t long before the stinging smell of salt made it to his nose. He stood and crossed the small clearing, gathering her up into his lap and draping his arms around her, letting the sleeves of his suikan wrap around her like a blanket. He didn’t try to placate her, didn’t tell her it would all be okay. Secretly, he hoped it would. He hoped that out here away from prying eyes they could start over and have a safer life together with their child. It wasn’t exactly the life he dreamed about- living alone in the middle of nowhere, prepared to bug out with less than a moment’s notice, planning escape routes instead of a garden - but he learned a long time ago that hanyou can’t afford to dream. Having Kagome, having their child, it was more than any other half-demon would ever have and he would do whatever was necessary to keep them safe.

\--------------------------------------------------

After three days in the cave, Kagome hoped Inuyasha had calmed down enough to hear her proposal. She’d spent the three nights alone in bed while he insisted on sleeping sitting up with Tenseiga at the entrance which gave her plenty of time to be reflective. If it was just to two of them, she may have argued against his highhanded tactics. But he was right, she was vulnerable and their baby even more so. She wanted to salvage as much good regarding the pregnancy as she could. Despite her hope that the villagers would accept them, she’d decided she wouldn’t fight him on living there. Unless she had actual evidence to the contrary, it was better to air on the side of caution and not give him anything else to worry about. If he thought she was going to be angry at him for his efforts to keep them safe it would only make him more miserable than he already was and she refused to add to his distress.

However, they weren’t wanted criminals. They weren’t hiding from anyone in particular and she desperately wanted to still be able to see Sango and her family. Kagome’s only experience with children came from Sango and she knew she was going to need the older woman’s comfort and advice. She also wanted ten minutes in their old home to collect a few kitchen things. She understood their need to be ready to move quickly, but she was going to be eating a lot more than she had when they were traveling. Plus, now that instant ramen was no longer a staple in their diet, she needed more than one small water pot. Not to mention her sewing basket.

She saw her opportunity on the fourth day while Inuyasha was cleaning fish for their lunch. She gathered up the sticks they used to skewer them and took a seat next to him.

"Inuyasha," he grunted in acknowledgement, "thank you. For finding this place. For working so hard to keep us safe." She turned her head to look at him and was slightly taken aback by his expression. He had one eyebrow raised up into his bangs, his lips drawn together, and looked altogether decidedly not amused.

"What do you want, woman?"

"I don't want anything I just-"

"You're full of it and you know it. Just say what you wanna say and you can ditch the flattery act."

"It's not an act! I do appreciate it and…" she lost steam as he continued to stare her down, clearly not buying it, "and okay fine I want something."

"Clearly."

"I want to go back to the village" she threw her hands up in surrender at his immediate growl, "Not to stay! I just want to tell Sango why we left and grab three things from the house. That's all. I promise."

He stopped growling and let out a long, slow breath through his nostrils. "What three things?"

"The blanket Kaede gave us, my sewing basket, and the skillet pan. A second set of clothes would be nice but I won't fight you on it. With the sewing kit I can make these last a while."

Inuyasha grabbed the skewers from her hand and finished prepping the fish with a bit more force than was actually necessary. Lunch was almost entirely cooked before he spoke again.

"We'll go tomorrow at sundown. You can spend some time with the slayer and we'll get the things from the house. Whatever fits in the backpack -- we can't keep too much and get weighed down."

Kagome nodded her understanding as she claimed two fish from the fire, pleased beyond the telling of it that the smell hadn't made her sick. As they ate their meal in silence Kagome began to plan what she was going to say to Sango. Finishing her lunch, Kagome tossed her bones into the pit and went back into the den to take a nap. To her surprise, Inuyasha came with.

Helping her strip to just her base layer, he knelt down in front of her and parted the thin robe without untying the obi. Kagome blushed and was about to ask him what he was doing when she felt his cold nose push into the soft, bloated flesh of her abdomen. His velvety ear twitching against her skin tickled terribly as he pressed his face more firmly against her, his hands resting on her hips to hold her still. She felt his grip flex suddenly and he turned his head to look up at her, his eyes wide with excitement.

"I can hear the heartbeat, it's strong and steady."

Instead of standing back up, she felt Inuyasha's arms snake around her hips, hugging her tightly. He nuzzled his face against her then stilled, wholly focused on the heartbeat again. Despite desperately wanting a nap, Kagome was content to stand there as long as he needed. She placed one hand on his shoulder and used the other to gently run her fingers through his hair, enjoying one quiet moment of peace together.

\--------------------------------------------------  
As promised the following night Inuyasha ran Kagome and the empty backpack out to the village. Truth be told it was a good idea to run the path every few days to check for any signs of activity, something he hadn’t done yet since he couldn’t bring himself to leave Kagome’s side. It was much faster this time, his hands helping to hold Kagome still and the lack of panicked nerves making the trip much easier on her stomach.

Arriving at the little hut on the edge of the village closest to the river, Inuyasha was unprepared for the tongue lashing he was about to get.

“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?” Sango wasn’t even out the door before she started yelling. She was so irate she didn’t even seem to notice that her volume had woken up the toddler strapped to her back.

“Sango I-”

“Save it Kagome, I know you wouldn’t have left without saying anything. YOU however,” she turned a dark glare and an accusatory finger at the hanyou, “YOU however would absolutely pull this kind of stunt!”

Inuyasha was having none of it. After weeks of stress he was not about to stand there and be yelled at for something even his stubborn wife had agreed was a good idea.

“It’s not my fault your gossip of a husband couldn’t be trusted to keep our secret. I did what I had to do and I don’t really give a damn if you like it or not.”

The gossip in question appeared at his wife’s side, collecting the screaming child so she could go embrace her friend. “That hardly seems fair Inuyasha, I am perfectly capable of keeping information in confidence.”

“Oh yeah, so nobody knows?” he crossed his arms and raised a brow, daring him to lie.

Miroku had the decency to flush slightly while Sango winced from her place at Kagome’s side.

“Fuckn’ thought so.”

Inuyasha had half a mind to tell Kagome to forget whatever was in the house and leave immediately. But one look at how happy she was to hear Sango talk about how she’d started having early birth pains and that they had narrowed down their name choices and he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. It was dark, and they were far enough from the main part of the village that there wouldn’t be anyone who could accidentally see them. As the women made their way inside with Miroku following after, Inuyasha instead made one swift leap up onto the roof to keep watch. They would stay as long as Kagome wanted. He’d taken so much from her already, he could at least let her have this.

Once Kagome was finally ready to go, in that she was falling asleep sitting up, it was nearing midnight. Carrying her on his back rather than letting her walk in the dark, Inuyasha stopped in his tracks a few yards from the house. He could already smell it: old fruit and rotten meat. His whole body sagged. It was decision making time. Should he turn back now and tell Kagome they could go to the hut tomorrow? Or should he keep going and expose her whatever had happened to their home? Seeing it covered in trash with a half butchered carcass on the doorstep would either finally convince her that he wasn’t being paranoid… or it could break her. He’d never lied to her before, and if she was going to be the mother of a part demon child she deserved to know exactly what that meant. He took a steadying breath, hating what he had to say next.

“Kagome?”

“What’s the matter?”

“I can smell rotting meat. I know Miroku said he only told a few people, but based on that stench I’m guessing the whole village knows. If you want I can take you back to the den and come salvage what I can tomorrow. You don’t have to see this if you don’t want to.”

She was silent for only a moment before he felt her muscles tense, mentally and physically preparing herself for what she might see.

“Keep going.”

He wasn’t sure if he was proud of her, or concerned over how stubborn she was. Either way he kept walking, though at a much slower pace than before. Once the doorway came into view he was surprised that the house seemed unharmed. There was nothing on the walls, no animal corpse on the veranda, even the garden was still intact. He let Kagome slide off his back and left her standing at the door while he stepped inside. He must have taken too long to come back out because Kagome came in after him even though he told her to stay put.

“Inuyasha? What’s wrong? Is it … is it that bad?”

Silently grabbing and lighting the lamp they always kept next to the door he waited while she took in the scene.

Their house was filled with baskets. Some had fruit, now soft from the weeklong summer heat. Others had cloth in different colors and textures, there was enough for at least one kimono for Kagome and a dozen diapers. The stench, though, came from the basket of neatly skinned rabbits, their pelts cleaned and left hanging to dry from the kitchen rafters. There was even a basket filled with firewood.

Inuyasha wasn’t good with words on his best days. After weeks of being on edge, he couldn’t even process what he was seeing.

He finally settled on “The fuck is all this?”

Next to him, Kagome was still in shock, one hand holding the lamp aloft and one covering her mouth. At his outburst though, she burst into tears.  
“They’re gifts. They weren’t running us out of town, Inuyasha, they were welcoming the baby.”

He stood there looking around his home filled with gifts, filled with proof that what she was saying was true, but his head simply refused to believe it. It was Kagome who pulled him out of his silence.

“I know you’re worried Inuyasha, and I am too. But, I think this is a good sign. They could have burned this place to the ground, instead they brought us food.” She reached over and claimed his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers and squeezing tightly. “I think we can stay here.”

He felt his heart rate spike at the suggestion, but looking around again he immediately began to calm. Sensing his struggling emotions Kagome continued. “We don’t have to stay tonight. But can we come back tomorrow and see who these are from? And go say thank you. Maybe spending some time in the village will let us decide. And even if we do stay here, the den isn’t going to disappear. I understand the benefit of having a plan B.”

He sighed, feeling the adrenaline finally ebb out of his system. He had been expecting the worst and instead… They would go back to the den tonight and tomorrow explore this unexpected new reality.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to whichever of you beautiful people nominated this story for the FC Awards on Tumblr and to everyone who voted for it. This piece is so near and dear to my heart, so it means a lot.  
> ALSO thank you thank you thank you to @kirrtash over on Tumblr for the art


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